"I just wanted to be drunk, stoned... fucking, on stage... I think underneath it all, it's just being alive-- or being dead or whatever, that counts. And it doesn't really matter which one it is. It's whatever comes first if you know what I'm talking about. 'Cuz I sure as fuck don't."
"I could say I'd like to be rich and famous and all that but I don't give a fuck anymore... I've been on the brink of that shit so many times, up and down, in and out. People keep thinking they've discovered me, and once they get me they can't figure out what the fuck to do with me and they throw me out-- back into where i was before, so. I just enjoy the ride while it's happening."
"I don't think I know what now is."
"I think now of just the immediate future. It's moment to moment. I could drop dead any moment; I wouldn't give a goddamn flying damn. Several times I've been attacked in my life... I've been in bad situations sexually. I've just gone other places while they're doing things with my body. If I'm still alive I continue on. What's the difference if somebody rapes your mind your spirit or your body, or just rips your life out and throws it in the garbage can? It's all the same. The worst thing is not being able to write a song. Not to be able to feel alive... and I usually feel alive..."
"I've been dead! No one bothered to tell my corpse that it should stop walking around."
And here's the movie!
ONCE & FUTURE QUEEN a film by Todd Verow starring Philly. Music by Eager Meat, Colin Owens and Will Botten aka Bluecat. This is the COMPLETE MOVIE. This film was made in 1999 and the copyright is owned by Todd Verow and Bangorfilms.
The Noonday Demon: An Atlas of Depression by Andrew Solomon
"Self-medication with illicit drugs is frequently counterproductive: while licit anti-depressant meds start off with side effects and build up to desirable effects, the substances of abuse usually start with desirable effects and build up to side effects."
Andrew Solomon
"Regular use of cocaine or amphetamines may do permanent damage to the dopamine systems if the brain, giving one a permanent psychological depressed baseline."
Andrew Solomon
"Opiates... are to the mind what the fetal position is to the body."
Andrew Solomon
"On ecstasy: The drug essentially causes an explosion of serotonin and dopamine, releasing big stores of these substances and then damaging the cells where they were stored. Furthermore, it prevents the synthesis of serotonin."
Andrew Solomon
It was Henry Maudsley who first described a melancholy that recognizes but cannot resolve itself. "It is not unnatural to weep"; Maudsley commented. "But it is not natural to burst into tears because a fly settles on the forehead,"... It is as if a veil were let down between him and objects. And truly no thicker veil could well be interposed between him and them than that of paralyzed interest. His state is to himself bewildering and inexplicable..." There is no real derangement of the mind; there is only a profound path of mind paralyzing its functions. "Nevertheless, they are attended with worse suffering than actual madness is, because the mind being whole enough feel and perceive an its object state, they are more likely to end in suicide."
