PTSD.
Just today I caught myself thinking something silly but true. "Who the FUCK invented this thing, and have they been shot in the asshole yet?"
(Not talking about who technically coined the term. Come on, you know what I'm talking about.)
I've found that getting better is a much longer, slower process than I ever would have imagined. And that we all process it differently-- with similarities though, which is why it's a recognized mental illness. Brain injury, I prefer to call it.
One cool thing I've found in my progress is that major improvements often come in the form of "epiphanies". I'll realize something, perhaps a new way of looking at things or a new coping mechanism, and BAM! I jump up one rung on the ladder of recovery.
Sometimes I fall back down several at a time, but upward movement is always good. Always.
So here's something I just noticed: even though I have hyper-vigilance as a strong symptom (and thus do not like unnecessarily noisy environments, as they could be covering up noises that indicate a threat), putting on my headphones and blasting non-triggering music actually seems to help.
It forces me to hear something that comes from outside of my own head and focus on it.
*Sigh*. Sometimes it's discouraging how my HUGE EPIPHANIES are things other people do without even thinking about them.
But I remain hopeful.
Just today I caught myself thinking something silly but true. "Who the FUCK invented this thing, and have they been shot in the asshole yet?"
(Not talking about who technically coined the term. Come on, you know what I'm talking about.)
I've found that getting better is a much longer, slower process than I ever would have imagined. And that we all process it differently-- with similarities though, which is why it's a recognized mental illness. Brain injury, I prefer to call it.
One cool thing I've found in my progress is that major improvements often come in the form of "epiphanies". I'll realize something, perhaps a new way of looking at things or a new coping mechanism, and BAM! I jump up one rung on the ladder of recovery.
Sometimes I fall back down several at a time, but upward movement is always good. Always.
So here's something I just noticed: even though I have hyper-vigilance as a strong symptom (and thus do not like unnecessarily noisy environments, as they could be covering up noises that indicate a threat), putting on my headphones and blasting non-triggering music actually seems to help.
It forces me to hear something that comes from outside of my own head and focus on it.
But I remain hopeful.
