neologistic logorrhea

Things I Know To Be True About Myself 

Megan is also not dangerous, not a criminal, and not even a "ticking time bomb" of uncontrolled mental illness just waiting to have a psychotic episode if the breeze hits her face funny.

 
Megan is socially adept; she knows how to make people feel comfortable (or uncomfortable, which she uses strictly for purposes of fun and amusement). 
 
Megan obliterates the concept of "awkward". 
 
Megan has had a series of very heavy, scary things happen to her.

The Megan you meet now is unemployed and living with her parents (at 27 years old)-- but make no mistake. Megan has been a responsible adult and will return to being so as she recovers. Megan has been a wife, a nanny, a student, a full-time part of the workforce, a taxpayer, bill-payer, homemaker, et cetera. 
 
Megan may seem like a slacker, a loser, an ambitionless waste of life. But this is only temporary. If you cannot take the time to get to know the entire Megan, but you will take the time to pass judgement on Megan, then she wants NOTHING to do with you.  

 
Megan has thrown successful small parties before, even. 
 
Megan is NOT a "psycho chick"-- she has some mental health issues, but she never allows them to spill out onto other people, because she cares very much about others and does not want scare them (unless she hates them). 
 
Megan's "psychosis" is something that never even presents itself in front of people, when Megan is being Megan. Megan knows she cannot hide her telltale scars, so she embraces and jokes about her issues in ways that make people feel like she is just an oddball with many quirks... 
 
Because Megan is quirky. This is one thing she loves about herself, whether you do or not. 
 
Megan is not crazy.
 
Megan is VERY open and is willing to share even her most painful stories, if she feels doing so might possibly help someone else who is struggling with similar issues. 
 
Megan is okay with the fact that she's a chronic over-sharer, because she notices that when she over-shares (not about serious/bad stuff, just about random thoughts and daily events), interesting conversation happens. Others open up then, and feel comfortable sharing things they might otherwise keep quiet about for fear of being "boring"-- because Megan does not LET "boring" happen. 
 
Megan likes to elevate conversations into the mode of stream-of-consciousness. 
 
Megan loves it when people are feeling open and uninhibited enough to just randomly burst into song, or dramatically reenact a scene from a Disney movie, or drop the f bomb 27 times in under a minute, etc. 
 
Megan fills awkward silence.
 
Megan is a worthwhile human being. 

Tablo Home 집 Translation

USA (Seattle) - 2433 mi

1. I choose the music selection, and how loud it plays. No more being insulted for my musical tastes either.
2. I will wear whatever goddamn earrings I want. Dangley ones, sparkly ones, weird ones... I don't CARE if they give me pimples on my neck. I don't CARE if they make my earring holes turn black. I'll take care of my own ears, thank you.
3. I will wear whatever MAKEUP I want to wear. Yes, even if it makes me break out sometimes. I have always loved makeup and doing it in whatever creative way I feel like doing it... so fuck you.
4. I will go and see my friends who have been there for me, quietly and patiently waiting for me to stop allowing you to keep me from them. I don't care what you say-- my friends are not secretly plotting against me and I am not going to be in "danger" by simply leaving the house. You just didn't want me out of your range of control. So fuck you again.
5. Despite what you say, my parents are NOT plotting to screw me over and ruin my life. They've been my saving grace, my unconditionally loving support network. The reason they don't give me money all the time isn't because they don't care about me, it's because they DON'T HAVE IT. They work very hard to provide for each other and for their children. My parents love me more than you ever could.
6. I take back control over my medication. YOU are not a doctor just because you know about every pill ever created (and it's street value). I will take what I am prescribed if it's working for me. You made me stop taking my anti-depressant and I almost killed myself. And you know what else? The majority of people who are on medication aren't on it just because they want to abuse pills-- many people actually need meds, and don't even get "high"-- they take them to survive. Just because you've blackballed yourself and your medical records will forever precede you doesn't mean people you're involved with should be deprived of their much needed medications. 
7. I will get into therapy as soon as possible. You kept me from that by convincing me that it was dangerous for me to talk to a therapist right now. You even told me that no therapist could help me. Well guess what? I'm not going to therapy for medication-seeking purposes. I know the value of dealing with emotional trauma and not just letting it turn me into a hopelessly fucked up individual for life.
8. If I feel like straightening my hair at 9 o'clock at night, I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do whatever I feel like doing, whenever I feel like doing it.
9. If I have money and I want to buy something, I will buy something. No one else is entitled to my money. I am not obligated to spend every cent I come upon on supporting someone else's habits or buying them necessities because they've blown all of their own money on stupid shit.
10. I will watch whatever I want to watch. If I want to watch children's programming for four hours, I'm going to do it. Though I respect those I live with, if I'm not being unreasonable and hogging the t.v. so others can't enjoy it, I'm not letting someone grab the remote and tell me they're "changing this shit".
11. I'll spend as much time on the internet on my own computer as I want.
12. I will smile at strangers if I want to.
13. I will cry when I need to cry. I will not let anyone put me down and call me names because of it.
14. I can THINK about whatever I want to think about. Even if I'm thinking about unpleasant or upsetting things-- sometimes people need to have thoughts that aren't exactly comfortable ones in order to solve problems in their lives.
15. I will not believe that I am "mentally retarded". There's nothing wrong with my intelligence. Just because you have severe mental limitations and can't understand anything abstract does not mean that I am intellectually deficient.
16. I refuse to believe what you said that hurt so bad... "You used to be cool, but something changed." I haven't changed. I have always been the same Megan. All that ever changed was YOUR mental state.
17. I will wear whatever scents I want. I happen to be very influenced by smells-- they can significantly alter my mood. So if I need to spray myself with perfume or light a bunch of scented candles or burn some incense, it's for a reason. And if someone doesn't like it, they can just go somewhere else and hate good smells.
18. If I want to get up at 7 a.m., I will. What time I wake up doesn't hurt any one else. So there.
19. If I want to go to church, I will. And it won't be to try to scam people to give me money. K?
20. No more having to keep quiet because I don't know what lies you've told that I might accidentally contradict. No more supporting any lies, really

 Thanks to Tumblr, I have no idea who actually owns these pictures so I can't properly attribute them. They certainly aren't mine. 

The pain of being mortal, of not being omniscient.

Lobotomize me, like Howard Dully